Fake It
by Sporadic Delusions
Summary: The thing about Bokuto is he wears his emotions on his sleeve. Which is perfect, really, when you want to know whether or not to confess. And the answer is not, as Akaashi knows from watching his feelings go unreciprocated. Except Bokuto might be a better actor than he thought and Akaashi might be misreading Bokuto and Kuro's relationship. Oneshot.


**Fake It**

The thing about Bokuto is he wears his emotions on his sleeve. He doesn't have a problem with anyone knowing how he's feeling. Which is perfect, really, when you want to know whether or not to confess. And the answer is not, as Akaashi knows from spending an absurd amount of time interacting and watching him, to see if he might feel the same way. Except Bokuto might be a better actor than he thought and Akaashi might be misreading Bokuto and Kuro's whole relationship.

Jealousy and unrealized feelings. I feed off it, seriously guys. Is this too much? This is a totally selfish fic.

Probably OOC.

Warning: Mentions of sex.

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

* * *

The thing about Bokuto is he wears his emotions on his sleeve. He doesn't give a shit who sees his highs and lows, if he's bouncing off the ceiling with excitement or if he's feeling a bit under the weather. So Akaashi knows, right off the bat, that Bokuto's feelings for him are simply platonic.

Akaashi's, of course, are the same. He's not blinded by Bokuto's brilliant smile that comes with his overwhelming enthusiasm, not struck by any more concern than any good friend should be when Bokuto suddenly slips on the wet patch on the court, and he is _not_ jealous when Kuro's the first one by his side.

"Bokuto, you okay, man?" Kuro asks, reaching for his friend. Bokuto's lying on his back with his eyes closed. "Kotaro?"

(Akaashi's not fooled by the casual pronoun 'man'. Bokuto and Kuro are practically glued by the hip. They've been dating for three weeks, after all.) The whole gym has stopped its flurry of movement and are turning to stare at the fallen ace and by now, Akaashi's reached Bokuto's side as well. Nekoma and Fukurodani were warming up before a practise match, Bokuto and Kuro talking quietly on the sidelines – weird, because Akaashi's sure their only setting is 'deafeningly loud' – before the incident occurred. Akaashi watches as Bokuto's eyes open.

"Yeah, I'm good," Bokuto says, sounding a bit breathless, which Akaashi would like to blame on the fall but he's pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that Kuro's in such close proximity. "Wow, that was pretty clumsy of me."

Akaashi looks at him strangely, wondering if Bokuto's having an off day. His behaviour is oddly subdued.

"God, you're so dramatic," Sarukui mutters before turning back to continue passing Konoha. "Just had to drag that out."

"Hey!" Bokuto protests, taking Kuro's outstretched hand and letting the Nekoma captain pull him off the floor. Akaashi scrambles back and Bokuto turns to him. "Toss for me?"

Akaashi's not sure why, but his heart stutters a little at the pleading face, hopeful and earnest, wanting Akaashi to toss for him, just Akaashi. He frowns at that. What the heck? Who cares about shit like that? Of course he wants Akaashi to toss to him, he's the setter. He would also like to say best friend, but Kuro seems to have scooped up the position before Akaashi even met Bokuto. His frown deepens.

Akaashi must hesitate for too long, because Bokuto says, "It's fine if you don't want to, I can always practise with Kuro…"

Oh. Any other day, Akaashi would've looked at this whole mess and seen it as one of Bokuto's mood swings, as him thinking that Akaashi wasn't actually his friend and panicking, as Bokuto so often did. Today, though, all Akaashi can think about is Kuro and Bokuto talking, the owlish caption laughing at something his Nekoma counterpart had said, quieter, somehow gentler in Kuro's presence. Of Kuro's worried voice asking if he's okay after he slips and then their clasped hands as Bokuto's helped off the floor, of the way they haven't let go. Today, it's the other way around. Today, Akaashi sees it for how it is: Bokuto wants to practise with Kuro.

"You can practise with Kuro, Bokuto-san," Akaashi says, waving a hand flippantly and turning quickly so he won't have to see Bokuto's ecstatic expression that is sure to light up his face. "Onaga, let's work on those spikes!"

His voice sounds falsely cheery, even to him. _Oh, shit._ So he might not have been totally honest before. He's been harbouring a slight crush on Bokuto. And when Akaashi says slight, he means itty bitty, so small it's barely even there, absolutely massive crush on his ace. It's always been there, somewhere in the back of his mind. At first, it was just the fact that Bokuto had nice arm muscles and a cute face and looked absolutely _delicious_ when he bit his lip in class when he didn't understand the question, which happened a lot than Akaashi could handle. (He'd been held back in English. Akaashi likes to use it against him.) Anyway, he was good-looking. Whatever. Akaashi could deal with it. And he did.

Then, Bokuto wanted to hang out. A lot. Akaashi quickly came to the conclusion that Bokuto needed validation. Constantly, in fact, in order to function properly as the ace. So it was handed out with an ease that Akaashi felt slightly uncomfortable with. The compliments shouldn't come so easily. And Akaashi knew every single one was true, every compliment was heartfelt and honest. He pulled back on the praise, because he was falling hard and it was _not_ okay.

Which brings them back to this moment, as he realizes, once again, that he's got no chance. Akaashi can read Bokuto like an open book, and yet he always seems to forget this simple fact. He doesn't reciprocate Akaashi's feelings. Akaashi hadn't counted on it being so painful when he discovered Bokuto already has an object of affection but it had been a punch in the gut and Akaashi feels it all over again. Right now, Akaashi can tell. Bokuto's in love. And it's painfully obvious that it's Kuro.

* * *

Bokuto's habit of flinging his emotions into other peoples' faces is annoying. (And so fucking painful, but Akaashi doesn't want to admit it.) After winning the match 2-1 and helping Nekoma clean up the gym, Bokuto and Kuro disappear. Now, he's standing in the middle of the hallway, staring at the two captains making out.

Why did he have to fall for Bokuto? He should've known better, should've seen this coming and set up the appropriate barriers. As good as Bokuto is at reading Akaashi, he's so blind to the younger boy's feelings. Akaashi's pretty sure they're obvious, certain everyone can see Akaashi emitting waves of love and thinking, god, he's so whipped, it's disgusting. The rest of the team seems to know, too, as they're breaking the two lovebirds apart and shooting sympathetic looks in Akaashi's direction.

"That was low, you guys," Konoha mutters.

Akaashi suddenly feels nauseous and overwhelmed and there's a lump in his throat because _oh, god, he's going to cry._ He hightails it out of there and into the nearest bathroom.

He collapses into one of the stalls and rests his head against the wall. His stomach churns uncomfortably and he feels tears start to chill his face. He should've known.

"Stupid," he curses under his breath. He should've been prepared for that, seeing how close Bokuto and Kuro had are, watching them grow closer in the weeks that they've dated. He'd been surprised though. Often, it seemed that Bokuto was hanging off of the Nekoma captain, and Kuro, in turn, was pining for Kenma and so Akaashi had dismissed it. They'd started dating, strange as it was, and then it was obvious that Akaashi must need glasses because how had he missed it when it had been right there for him to see? _Stupid._

"Akaashi?" a low voice asks and he starts. He hears a sniffle from another stall.

"Kenma?" _Speak of the devil._

"Yeah," Kenma whispers and Akaashi can hear the tears in his voice and maybe Kenma can hear them in his, you never know. Akaashi's heart feels heavy. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

"Hell yeah," he replies and a quiet laugh follows, though it cracks in the middle and becomes a stifled sob.

"Should've known, though," Kenma says. "They've always been so close, maybe it was inevitable."

"I know," Akaashi whispers.

"And it wasn't like I didn't know they were dating," Kenma continues.

"They make it pretty obvious," Akaashi agrees. He thinks this must be the most Kenma's ever spoken.

"But still, I wasn't prepared to see them kissing out there," Kenma says, and he sounds defeated, just like Akaashi feels. They sit there in silence, comforted by each other's brokenness.

What Kenma said is so true. He'd known. He'd seen their relationship. And yet, stupidly, he'd been taken down by them kissing in a hallway. Akaashi thinks it's kind of like what happens every time Kenma allows him to try out one of his games. Every time, he's seen Kenma play so many times to know that the attack's coming and yet he's still surprised, still defeated so easily with one lethal blow.

"Do you think I ever had a chance?" Kenma says, breaking through the thick silence. Akaashi freezes. Did Kenma ever have a chance with Kuro? Had Akaashi ever had one with Bokuto? If they had acted soon, would it be different now?

"Wait, don't answer that," Kenma whispers. "I don't want to know."

"I don't know which is worse," Akaashi admits. Bokuto never liking him or Akaashi's own hesitation preventing a relationship. Idly, he spins the toilet paper roll until the floor is covered with it, slowly rolling it back up to pass time. He can't find it in himself to care that somebody will need to use it later.

"Kenma? Kenma, you in here? C'mon, our bus is leaving!" Akaashi thinks it's Yamamoto, but he can't be sure. He hears Kenma take a deep breath.

"Yeah," Kenma says, so quietly Akaashi wonders if Yamamoto can hear him. There's a pause, quiet murmuring sounding from outside.

"Okay," Yaku says gently. "Take your time and get yourself fixed up. We'll wait for you by the bus."

They move away, footsteps receding and Kenma exits the stall. Akaashi peeks through the crack in the door, watching Kenma leave. He's not holding his phone or DS. _He must feel like shit if he's put his games down_ , he muses and looks down at himself. _Who am I kidding? Of course he feels like shit. We both do._

Akaashi knows he should head home before his mom starts to worry, but he can't bring himself to get up, can't bring himself to care. He just sits on the floor, which is probably pretty disgusting, but again, how to get himself to care when Bokuto was kissing Kuro is another problem in itself. He buries his head in his hands. His heart still feels too heavy in his chest, but now that he's gotten over the initial shock, he feels numb, removed from the situation. It's almost as if he had been watching it happen instead of living it. He groans. Why him?

He shouldn't have gotten so close, so attached. All he can see is Bokuto's hands in Kuro's crazy spikes and his lips everywhere. Bokuto had been panting, he recalls. Kuro's hands had been wandering, one under Bokuto's shirt, the other firmly pressed against the back of his neck. He wonders if they've gone farther than that, although three weeks is a pretty short period of time. Akaashi forces himself to stop thinking about it. He doesn't know if he can handle the thought of them sleeping together.

There are footsteps outside and they stop at what Akaashi assumes is the door of the bathroom. It could be the custodian. Or his teammates. Or… Bokuto, which Akaashi really, really can't handle right now. A loud bang resonates through the room and it's definitely not the janitor. It could be a teammate but Akaashi is fairly certain Bokuto is the only one who opens doors with such fervor.

"Akaashi?" Bokuto asks, sounding kind of nervous and dejected, which makes no sense to Akaashi. Bokuto just made out with Kuro, who he's clearly in love with. Why would Bokuto care what Akaashi thought? "Akaashi, are you in here? Keiji?"

"What?" Akaashi snaps, unable to reign in his feelings at the sound of his given name. It sounds so gentle, rolling of Bokuto's tongue affectionately, or so Akaashi likes to pretend, at least.

"Are you okay? Aren't you going to walk home with me?"

"I'm fine," Akaashi says, sighing slightly. "I've been feeling a bit sick today, so maybe I overexerted myself during the match or something…"

Lie. Lie. Lies. Akaashi wants to die. No way Bokuto buys it. No way Bokuto doesn't know about Akaashi's stupid crush.

"Oh. I – I didn't notice," Bokuto says, his voice trailing off at the end. Akaashi feels guilty because those lies are burying Bokuto deeper in the rut he's clearly fallen into. "Are you still feeling sick, Keiji?"

"Kinda," Akaashi says snippily. He has to push Bokuto away because he knows he's not strong enough to pretend that he's fine. Put some distance between them, for a while at least and then Akaashi can get over his crush. "And you shouldn't call me Keiji. You have a boyfriend."

"Oh," Bokuto whispers. "So…I guess – I guess we aren't walking home together today, then?"

"No," Akaashi mutters.

"O-Okay," Bokuto stutters and there's a pause and then Bokuto is leaving and Akaashi thinks he might be crying again because now he feels even worse. He checks his face and his fingers come away wet. _Yep._

* * *

The next two weeks are _excruciating._ Akaashi avoids Bokuto at all costs, which is tough because Bokuto is clingy and wants to talk to Akaashi constantly. (He has a boyfriend he can talk to now. Why does he still have to grasp onto Akaashi?) At practises, Akaashi shows up at the very last second to avoid Bokuto cornering him. He ignores him during water breaks and his sets aren't gelling with Bokuto's spikes like they should be. Bokuto seems to be in a permanent storm cloud, looking dejected and about to cry. Why? Is he fighting with Kuro? Akaashi thought this was what he wanted, but Bokuto's heartbroken expression is too much and he wishes Bokuto would go back to smiling.

After practises, Bokuto tries to talk to Akaashi, but he's mastered the art of changing in five seconds flat and speeds out the door. The one English class they have together is awkward, Bokuto trying desperately to capture Akaashi's attention. He definitely succeeds as Akaashi finds himself watching out of the corner of his eye. He still doesn't acknowledge his upperclassmen.

Bokuto sends him notes the whole time.

 _I'm sorry._

 _I didn't mean it._

 _I miss talking to you._

 _I really need to tell you something._

 _Kuro and I broke up. You don't have to be mad anymore._

Akaashi reads them all, becoming more and more confused with each note. He responds to none of them and eventually the teacher tells Bokuto to turn around and pay attention.

"You can confess later, Bokuto-kun," she tells him, and while the whole class erupts with laughter and Bokuto's face burns the lovely shade of 'fire truck red', Akaashi wishes it were the case.

When class lets out, Bokuto's still too embarrassed to talk to Akaashi and so he gets peace and quiet during practise. During the water break, Akaashi stands by himself.

"Akaashi-kun." He looks up to see his coach frowning at him. "I don't know what's going on between you and Bokuto-kun but it's really hindering this team's development and that's going to continue in the preliminaries. You better work something out or you're going to lose your spot as starter."

The words hit Akaashi like a ton of bricks. It's not fair. Not to Bokuto, not to the team. He's still not over Bokuto and it's affecting his volleyball. He didn't mean for this to happen. He shouldn't have let his feelings get this far. Bokuto should be able to date who he wants without worrying about it hurting his volleyball and Akaashi's dragging Bokuto down with him. This is all his fault. He nods at his coach.

"Sure thing, sensei."

"Good," his coach says, patting his shoulder before moving on. Akaashi squirts himself in the face with some of the water. _Wake up, stupid. Stop pining for Bokuto and suck it up._

Practise is still not great after the talk with the coach, but Akaashi focusses hard on making good tosses. Bokuto seems to miss them all anyway. Clearly, they're going to have to talk if they want to fix this and Akaashi feels dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He weighs his two options. Talking to Bokuto and keeping his spot. Not talking to Bokuto and losing his starting position to his kouhai. He's been dealt a tough hand. _Is the spot worth it?_ He wishes it isn't, but of course it is.

Akaashi sighs, squirting water into his mouth as he listens to the coach draw one last play on the white board.

"Okay, that's enough for today," he announces. "I expect to see all of you bright and early tomorrow morning, seven sharp."

The team cleans up and is heading to the changing room when Bokuto corners him.

"Akaashi-kun," he says and Akaashi feels like he's been stabbed. They're past that, so far past suffixes. Akaashi knows that whether they become friends again or not, things will be different. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Akaashi desperately hopes this is about Bokuto's below average performance today.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but I'm really sorry for playing so terribly that you're gonna get benched," Bokuto tells him. "Cause, you know, your tosses are great and I've been shit lately and you gotta shoulder the blame because I'm the ace."

"Okay," Akaashi says coolly. He had thought this was what he wanted, but his mind betrays him once again. He wants to know why Bokuto doesn't realize that Akaashi's problem is something else entirely. He starts heading to the change room. He doesn't have any right to be angry, but he is because after all this time, Bokuto doesn't know him the way Akaashi wants him to.

"Wait!" Bokuto sounds so nervous, so un-Bokuto-like that Akaashi stops for just a second. "Wait, that's not what I meant to say! I'm – I'm sorry for dating Kuro."

"What?"

"It was a dick move, okay? I know that. I don't even like him like that," Bokuto says, voice rising and his words are getting jumbled together, like they're burning his throat and he has to get them out. His face is bright red and he sounded so pained as he continues with, "I know you like Kuro and I – I shouldn't have agreed to pretend to date him."

Akaashi opens his mouth and then closes it, gaping like a fish. His brain is working furiously, trying to process everything just said. Bokuto doesn't like Kuro? Then why had Bokuto acted so head over heels all the time? Those kisses, they'd seemed so real. And did he just say Akaashi _likes_ Kuro? Where the fuck did that come from? Also, agree to what? Fake-dating for some unknown reason? Could be that Kuro had wanted to make Kenma jealous. Akaashi remembers crying with Kenma in the bathroom. If that was why, Akaashi was pretty sure he'd been successful.

"I think I'm going to puke. Shit, I'm really sorry, Akaashi-kun," Bokuto says, backing away. "I – I should go."

He turns around completely and sprints away. Akaashi stands there, frozen and then something clicks in his mind and he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he gets it and wow, where did Bokuto hide _that_ because for someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, that was very sneaky and then Akaashi's legs start moving on their own accord.

"Wait! Bokuto, wait!" he yells, following after his best friend. "Bokuto-san!"

He's lost him in the long corridors and winding staircases but he slides into the bathroom because Bokuto said he felt sick, and whether it was true or not, it's worth a shot. He pushes the door open slowly and peeks in.

"Bokuto-san?" He thinks that it's ironic that a couple of weeks ago they were in this same position roles switched. In response to his call, there's heavy breathing and muffled sobs. _Shit._ Akaashi has no clue what to do when people start crying but he can't lose him spot in the starting rotation (or, if he's honest with himself, Bokuto) and so he walks towards the stall that the crying is originating from.

"Bokuto-san? I know you're here." He raps his fist quietly against the door and then leans down to check for Bokuto's feet. It's definitely Bokuto, as he discovers that the feet are covered with those ridiculous bright pink and yellow volleyball shoes that he uses only for practise.

"Bokuto-san, it's okay. I'm not angry at you," he says, leaning against the door.

"You should be," Bokuto whispers back. "I'm such a dick."

"Nah," Akaashi says. "You're my best friend, dick or not."

Akaashi hears a long sigh from the other side of the door.

"Thanks," Bokuto says but he doesn't come out of the stall. Akaashi waits there with him.

"Can I ask you some questions?" Akaashi asks finally when the persistent voice in the back of his mind gets to be too much and he just has to know.

"I guess."

"You really don't like Kuro that way?"

"…no," comes the muffled reply.

"Hmph. I can't believe you," Akaashi says, but he's smiling because _thank god._

"Sorry."

"Yeah, you better be. You had me convinced. Why were you and Kuro fake dating?"

There's a pause. A long one. Akaashi decides to sit down, letting his head rest on the door and out of the corner of his eye, he can see little flashes of pink. Akaashi wonders if Bokuto's going to answer the question at all.

"I can't really tell you," Bokuto says finally. "I mean, I can, but I don't really…"

"Was it to make Kenma jealous of you?" Akaashi interrupts, realizing that Bokuto's answer was just going to circle back to where it started. He hears Bokuto choke a little.

"Yeah," comes his response. "I'm sorry."

"Why do you think I like Kuro?" Akaashi asks, fighting back a laugh. "I don't, you know."

"Well, because - Wait, what? You don't? You can tell me, I won't get mad or anything. I'm not homophobic," Bokuto says, but Akaashi can hear a sliver of hope weave its way into his tone.

"I don't. And I know you're not. Would you have dated Kuro if you were?" Akaashi does laugh this time, unable to stop the sound when the statement is so ridiculous, and then persists, "Why?"

"Well, because, you know, you're always so happy when he's around. And he makes you laugh so easily and he's really attractive, even though I wouldn't really go for him. But he's kinda your opposite and everybody says that opposites attract."

"We don't even know each other that well," Akaashi reminds Bokuto.

"Yeah, but you get on so well and –"

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi interrupts. "Were you…jealous?"

"Wh-what?" Bokuto splutters.

"Were you jealous of me liking Kuro?" Akaashi repeats.

"I – I –"

"You know, Bokuto-san, you could've just told me," Akaashi taunts and he has a sudden desire to see Bokuto as his face heats up the way Akaashi knows it is.

"Akaashi –"

"Don't you mean 'Keiji'? Is that code for 'yes'?" Akaashi continues, sure he's caught Bokuto.

"No – shit, Keiji, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean this, but you're just so cute and funny and sweet and you put up with my shit and my mood swings and it just sorta...happened."

"Mhmm," Akaashi hums. He wouldn't usually do this, but he's high on the euphoria that came with the realization the Bokuto _likes_ him and holy shit, he can't just stop now, he's having way too much fun. "I do, don't I?"

"Yeah, not even Kuro can handle me all the time," Bokuto continues. "God, I'm so, so sorry Akaashi. I didn't mean to, I mean you could never like me back, and –"

Akaashi's enjoying himself entirely too much, but he figures Bokuto deserves something for soldiering through the interrogation, figures it's his turn to come clean, even though he can't see how Bokuto could possibly be dense enough not to see the obvious ways he pines for his senpai.

"Kotaro," he murmurs, effectively putting an end to Bokuto's rambling as he stands up. "Get out here."

"What?" Bokuto squeaks, and really, shouldn't it be the other way around? Akaashi wants to laugh, because all the times he imagined them getting together (which was frequent and in great detail and sometimes ended in mind-blowing sex), he'd never pictured this. In the bathroom, poking fun of Bokuto before admitting he felt the same.

"I want to confess to you and I want it to be face-to-face."

Akaashi thinks he's never seen a door open faster, although he's not really sure if the blur qualifies as seeing. It clocks him in the head and he stumbles backwards.

" _Ow."_

"Shit. Sorry," Bokuto yelps and Akaashi looks up and it's fine that Bokuto just smashed the door into his face, it's worth it because Bokuto's face is so red and so cute and he's biting his lip, hopeful and kind of scared and Akaashi wants to absolutely _ravish_ him. Maybe he's coming down with something, because Akaashi doesn't feel so...out of control. (Or maybe not. He spends an awful lot of time thinking about it.) Akaashi hadn't ever thought about doing such things before he met Bokuto. He's an exception to Akaashi's generally passive nature.

"Kotaro," he whispers, taking his chin and tilting it down. "I like you. A lot. I have for a long time. It's always been you. You make my head spin and my heart hurt and I really, really want to kiss you. And go out with you. And then fuck you senseless. Or maybe the other way around. I don't even fucking care."

"Really?" Bokuto asks, his eyes wide and hopeful, even though that was kind of cheesy and probably cruder than anything Akaashi would ever say again outside of the bedroom.

"God, you're gorgeous. _Of course_ really," Akaashi says and loves watching the way Bokuto's blush darkened, if it's even possible. "Can I?"

Bokuto nods quickly, and whether it's to kissing or to dating or fucking, Akaashi isn't really sure so he just kisses him. Their mouths meet in a gentle clash, tentative at first and then sure, parting their lips slightly. Akaashi feels his hands rising to Bokuto's striped hair, gripping it without really thinking about it.

Akaashi's head is definitely spinning now because Bokuto returns the favour and _god_ , this is so much better than fantasy. He moans into Kotaro's mouth and Kotaro gently nips his lip in return. He pulls away slowly, panting. He looks up at Kotaro, whose wide golden eyes are still closed and presses himself up against him.

"Does this mean…that we're, you know… _together_?" Bokuto asks, still blushing.

"Hmm. Do you want to go on a date with me on Saturday?"

"Yes," Bokuto replies eagerly.

"Then I guess that means we are."

* * *

 **I don't know what happened at the end there. Wow, Akaashi slid OOC really fast. Oh well.**


End file.
